The Magic of Abundance
life coach, nyc, executive leadership coach, personal development coach

When did “wanting” become a dirty word? When did we lose the capacity to see value in anticipation? And why does “wanting” usually feel synonymous with “lacking?”

There is nothing wrong with wanting in the absence of having. Trust, I’m speaking to myself here too. The things we want do not have to become a source of pain simply because we can’t have them in the time frame that we want them.

One area of wanting that I hear about all the time is in the romance department. People can feel very lonely and stressed about not having a partner or mate. Of course, people can feel similarly about all sorts of things they feel they need to have in order to be happy and whole. This type of wanting is built on lack.

  • Wanting from lack means that you, on some level, believe that you are insufficient without that thing. It means that you feel yourself to be “not enough” if you don’t have that relationship, that house, that car, that job, that external validation of your worth.

  • Wanting from abundance means that you know, with or without that relationship, house, car, or job, you are still going to be ok - great actually. It means that you believe you are enough, and that “enoughness” is not measured by external validation trophies.

True happiness is internal. It is a practice of reminding yourself that you are enough. Though there are plenty of external “things” that can make you feel amazing, that state of bliss is fragile because you have so little control over the temporary nature of the external world.

As you practice being enough, you are able to channel pure, loving, abundant energy into achieving what you want. Brick by brick you can build your vision from a grounded place of strength, happiness, and trust. The energy we invest is the energy we tend to see returned.

Lack begets lack and abundance begets abundance.

Have a beautiful month! #redpill

John

Also published on johnkalinowski.com

Do You Energize People or Deplete Them?
life coach, nyc, executive leadership coach, personal development coach

Ahoy there! Happy September! As we round the corner into the last stretch of 2018, here is a simple tip for being your most energized and energizing self.

Interacting with others is an energy exchange and we have a huge amount of control over what type of energy we are bringing to the table.

Negative or unproductive energy can be depleting to yourself and others and is created by:

  • Thinking and talking about problems and drama

Positive or productive energy can be energizing to yourself and others and is created by:

  • Thinking and talking about opportunities and solutions

Of course, we have to think about and share our problems sometimes, but many of us go overboard, at which point it is unproductive and depleting to ourselves and others.

If you make a practice of steering your thoughts and conversation out of the problem and into the solution, you will find that you feel more energized about yourself and your life. As a result, you will bring more positive energy to your interactions, which will leave others feeling more energized as well.

Look at you! All positive n’ stuff.

Have a beautiful month! #redpill

John

Also published on johnkalinowski.com

Whatever You Have - Just Own It
life coach, life coach nyc, executive coach, leadership coach, personal development coach

Hello! Happy August! This month I have a silly story to share. I may have shared it with some of you - it’s an oldie but a goodie! Several years ago I had a personal breakthrough. I was having a conversation with someone about the sitcom, “Friends,” and which characters we most resemble. My answer was obvious and immediate; I am Monica. Can you imagine how not excited I might have been to realize that? But the funny thing is, it was exciting, because the realization gave me permission to say, “I’m totally Monica…” an ambitious, demanding, particular, know-it-all. Though I would love to think I am (clearly) funnier and more dynamic than Monica, it’s fairly safe to say that she and I are cut from a similar cloth.

This is who I am - take it or leave it.

The thing is, this isn’t really news; I have always known about my quirks. What changed was my choice to own them. By owning who I am, a huge chunk of self-judgement that I had been holding onto for years simply evaporated. Along with that came the awareness of how beautiful those quirks really are. Yes, I’m demanding, and even though it can be annoying it has also helped me to not settle for less. Yes, I’m particular, and even though it can be annoying it has also helped me to be very detail-oriented. Yes, I’m a know-it-all, and even though it can be annoying it has also propelled me to create a successful and fulfilling career.

Every strength is a weakness; every weakness is a strength.

None of this means that you cannot work on, temper, or change certain qualities about yourself or your life. But it does mean that you will be more successful in changing those things if you start with a clean slate by acknowledging and accepting them first. Simply look for the beauty. Each time you catch yourself judging yourself or your life, make a choice to look for the beauty and see what you find. How do these “annoying” characteristics help you? How might they be endearing, attractive, and even sexy?

As you make a practice of looking for the beauty, you will find that you are kinder to yourself. As a result, you may find the outside world to be a little kinder as well.

Have a beautiful month! #redpill

John



(For more on Self-Acceptance check out July’s post...)

Be More Productive By Accepting Your Limitations
self-help, self-confidence, personal development, life coach, life coahc nyc

Well hello! How is your year shaping up so far? I am trying my best over here, and generally feeling pretty good about things. I have a lot of projects underway and one of the projects I have been working on is my blog. Every time I start writing again I feel inspired and excited. Then, at some point, I get busy, distracted, feel like I have nothing more to say, lose momentum, and inevitably stop. Though I ultimately accept my choice, there are always some feelings of “I’m not enough or I’m not doing enough” that tug at me in the weeks and months afterward.

The thing is, I like writing! I like letting you know what I am thinking about and working on, while also hopefully adding some value to your life. Every year around this time I tend to get inspired to write. I map out a writing schedule, create the framework for a dozen pieces over the course of a few weeks, then schedule them for release over the next few months. I typically edit or totally rewrite several articles prior to release, but it’s the initial push that sets everything up.

What happens after I have sent out all of those blog posts? Well, the intention is to use the momentum to continue writing and posting, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be what happens. About the time that I need to start writing to keep up with the schedule I have established, I find that I have already embarked on what will be a longer-than-ideal break until I feel the writing itch again, and it all repeats.

This year, I am trying something different. I have already planned and written the framework for a bunch of articles, and, instead of publishing one each week or every other week, I will now be publishing one per month. What a novel idea!?! Instead of imposing a schedule on myself that has shown not to work (for me), I am instead committing to a consistency that feels more manageable. The plan being that by the time these run out I will have already hit my next creative writing phase and churned out a whole new batch of outlines.

We shall see how it turns out! Some people can pick something up and stick to it from day one. But far more people, like myself, pick it up, put it down, let it sit, dust it off, pick it up, put it down, and so on until it finally sticks. If you are also one of “those” people, then it’s important that you and I stay open to playing with different versions of the habit, as well as different ways to incorporate it into our lives. Once we find something we can consistently adhere to, even if initially less impressive than we might like, we can build on it.

This approach also allows us to release some of those nagging feelings of “not-enoughness,” which are perhaps the heaviest weights we carry with us on our paths forward.

Have a beautiful month! #redpill

John

 

Also published on ThriveGlobal and JohnKalinowski.com 

Jumping The Gun
personal development, goals, fix my life, self esteem, self worth

Too many times in my life I’ve pigeon-holed myself into doing something a particular way because I couldn’t see beyond my own stress, fear, or impatience to take a more measured approach. Note to Self: I do not make the best decisions under stress. I might be able to get the job done and I might even make reasonably “good” decisions, but they are not going to be my best decisions. My best decisions come when I am grounded, centered, grateful, open, and I am giving myself permission to be exactly where I am, even if it’s not necessarily where I want to be.
 
A few years ago, when I took the leap into coaching full-time, I was convinced that the natural next step was to find an office. The problem was that when I left my part-time job I hadn’t yet built up my clientele to be able to pay my current bills, let alone take on another big expense. But, in my mind, I was convinced that if I was going to attract the right type of clients then I needed to have certain things in place, and that meant an office. So, that’s what I did, and I ended up taking on a bunch of unnecessary stress and debt.
 
I did eventually attract those clients and become financially stable, but in hindsight, it was probably a little too early in my career to have an office, assuming I ever even needed one at all. But sometimes we become overwhelmed by how we think things should look or by our impatience with how slowly things are moving instead of allowing ourselves to be where we are, especially if that means being a beginner. Sometimes we just need to wait until we have a clearer plan, a little more money, experience, or even confidence before we ascend to that next level.
 
Reaching the top of the mountain can be really exciting, but so can the climb itself. These days I have plenty of goals, and as I work toward them I also give myself permission to enjoy each stage of the process.
 
Have a beautiful week!
John
 

Originally published on johnkalinowski.com

Loving Your Relationship
men-2425121_1920.jpg

Lately, I’ve been noticing how many different relationships I have with people. Most of these relationships are loving, rewarding, and mutually satisfying. While other relationships can be frustrating, confusing, and even annoying. Why do some relationships work and others don’t? What are the qualities of a healthy relationship? What does it really take to have a loving relationship?
 
Remember who you are:
When you two met you were independent people with your own hopes, dreams, values, ideas, opinions, interests, and friends. If you try to change who you are, or expect your partner to change, you will end up exhausted, resentful, and angry. Maintain your own identity while continuing to move forward together.
 
DTR (Define The Relationship):
What does a happy and grounded relationship look like to you? How will you support one another?  What do you want and need? The relationship should have its own identity and its own measure of success. Relationships change and evolve everyday and it’s important to check in with each other to make sure you’re both on the same page.
 
Giving and Receiving:
A healthy relationship has a solid foundation of sharing both the roles of giving and receiving. There will be times when you need love and affection. There will be times when you need to provide support. We can’t take what we need from a partner with force, guilt, or shame. Equally, we can’t expect our partner to read our minds and know what’s going on. We actually have to communicate, share our struggles, and ask for what we need. 
 
Joy and Pain:
Every relationship will experience good and bad times. Unfortunately, we don’t get to have just the joy. That’s not how it works. If we shift our perspective and see pain as a part of the joy, as well as a learning opportunity, we can use the pain to grow and bring even more happiness to our relationship.
 
Loving your relationships begins with YOU! By maintaining awareness for how you’re feeling, keeping an open heart, and having the courage to face your fears, you will find you are more authentic and ready to do your part to make the relationship work. 

Have a beautiful week!
Jami

Originally published on jamibertini.com

When People Are Wrong
personal development, plan, goals, fix my life, self confidence, self worth

Last week I gave a free consult to a prospective client and the next morning I had an angry, accusatory email in my inbox. What in the heck happened?! Well, I was honest and encouraging and supportive (for free), but I also conveyed that I didn’t feel like we were the right fit. Maybe there were hurt feelings? Maybe I really was the horrible coach she said I was? I’m not really sure, but I still had to ask myself what I could learn from this situation. How is this happening FOR me instead of TO me? When I reflected back over the past several weeks I had quite a wake-up call.
 
I’ve been acting like a bit of a bully lately. No I haven’t been beating kids up on the playground or abusing anybody in my life. But in moments when I’ve been unhappy with a particular service or product that I’ve received or with the way somebody treated me, I’ve been very vocal and feeling very entitled about how wrong they were, how right I was, and how I expected them to fix it. Maybe that sounds fair to some people, and I agree that we need to be able to voice our dissatisfaction if someone or something disappoints us. However, it’s about HOW we go about doing it.
 
The key is to see every moment as an opportunity. Each experience, “good” and “bad,” is simply a means to teach us how to love ourselves and others in a more profound way. Loving ourselves and others doesn’t mean making anybody “wrong” simply because we’re disappointed. If I expect to live a loving, abundant life then I need to trust that I will always get what I need, even if I may not always get what I want. So, in those disappointing moments we can simply say, “What’s the most loving approach for myself and the other person(s)?” If you take a second to ask yourself that question on a regular basis, the most loving approach will also become the most natural one.
 
Have a beautiful week!
John

Originally published on johnkalinowski.com

What's Wrong With Me?
2014-10-09 How To Stop Comparing-1.jpg

After writing the previous blog about saying “sorry” it got me thinking about forgiveness and how difficult that can be. Do you forgive other people when they hurt you or make a mistake? Do you forgive yourself? I have been noticing it’s much easier for me to forgive someone else than it is to forgive myself. In fact, I put myself through the wringer when I make a mistake. My mind turns into a minefield of self-judgment; What was I thinking? How could I do that? What’s wrong with me? They will never speak to me again. I’ve really messed things up this time, and on and on…. It’s exhausting!
 
I know these thoughts aren’t doing me any good, and carrying around all this guilt and shame will only keep me stuck in the very problem I was apologizing for in the first place. Forgiveness and self-forgiveness set us free and open us up to new experiences and deeper connections. Isn’t that what we all really want? So how do we forgive? How do we let go of the pain and disappointment especially when we are hurting ourselves?
 
Accept yourself just as you are. We are humans and we are imperfect; it comes with the territory.  We are gonna make mistakes, take things way too personally, have misunderstandings with the people in our lives and screw up from time to time. Let’s accept ourselves with our imperfections right now.  Also, we are all super busy; we wear many hats in a day. Even if we meditate, go to yoga and practice being present, occasionally something slips through the cracks, so cut yourself a little slack.  It’s important to remember we all get many more things “right” in a day than the one or two things “wrong” that we are agonizing over. Laugh out loud. Life is funny, we are funny, and laughing shrinks problems and helps us keep things in perspective.
 
Next time you find yourself “messing up” and asking “What’s wrong with me”, apply a little self-forgiveness learn from your mistakes, and the answer the question like this; “What’s wrong with me?……Absolutely nothing! 

Have a beautiful week!
Jami 

Originally published on jamibertini.com

Gimme A Break... From Myself
Personal Development, Plan, Goals, Fix my life, self confidence, self worth

I think too much. And most people I talk to say the same thing. However, lately I’ve been making more of an effort not to be so consumed by my thoughts, especially the thoughts that upset and annoy me. It sounds like a difficult task, and that’s how it seems at first, but what I’m discovering is that consistency is key. In the same way that we set rules and boundaries with our children or other people in our life, it’s consistency that determines how quickly those boundaries are learned and respected. The only difference is that I'm setting boundaries with my mind.
 
My mind usually seems to be running on autopilot. I often find myself walking down the street entertaining a steady stream of thoughts: “there’s a blue Jaguar, it’s such a beautiful day, look at the pants she’s wearing, why is she with that guy, I need to call my mom tonight, I can’t believe how much work I have to do, when am I going to do my laundry…” and so on. Sometimes I’ll have entire conversations or arguments in my head, sometimes aloud and yup, if somebody saw me I would look like a total nutjob. Thankfully, I stumbled on a way to reclaim my brain. 
 
I discovered that when my mind starts chattering, which it does incessantly, I simply have to notice it. That’s it. I just say to myself, “there’s the chatter again,” and the chatter immediately starts to fade. I don’t judge it, I don’t try to stop it, I don’t get annoyed by it, I just acknowledge it, and suddenly my mind is a bit quieter. The thoughts will often feel like a whiny persistent child, but as I said before, the trick is consistency. If you can consistently acknowledge that stream of thoughts over the span of days and weeks you will start to find that your mind is chattering a lot less often, giving you a lot more time to think about things you actually want to think about. How about that for a change?
 
Have a beautiful week!
John 

Originally published on johnkalinowski.com 

Is "Sorry" Enough?
love-1139688_1280.jpg

I usually consider myself a patient person, but sometimes I lose my s*** and I take it out on the people I love. Yesterday I was stressed trying to meet a deadline on a project, the kids needed attention, my husband was waiting for a ride home at the train station, and everyone was asking the dreaded question of “what’s for dinner” (which is a blog all on its own), I just snapped and started yelling at everyone. When my rant was finished I was embarrassed and I felt terrible. I quickly owned my nasty behavior and apologized. While I was grateful for my family’s forgiveness it got me thinking; what is the real purpose of saying, "sorry"? 
 
We are human and humans are imperfect and we all make mistakes. Saying "sorry" is important, it acknowledges that we are aware of our mistake, aware that we did something we didn’t intend to do, or worse aware of the fact that we hurt someone’s feelings. It’s important to take a deeper look at our behavior and make the necessary adjustments to correct it.   
 
What an apology is:
An apology is the last chance to catch ourselves and make a “wrong” a “right”. An apology is an expression of love. It is an opportunity to grow and learn; to be the parent, partner, lover, friend or coworker that we have always wanted to be! 
 
What an apology is not:
An apology is not a free pass to run around speaking without a filter. Apologies should not let us off the hook, or be used as an excuse for bad behavior. Apologies should not be tossed around lightly. 
 
Apologies don’t mean anything if we don’t adjust our behavior, we actually have to change. For me I need to plan ahead when I have a due date, organize my time and not leave it until the last minute. So the next time you make a mistake and apologize for your behavior, be grateful for the chance to look at yourself a little bit differently and make the changes on a deeper level. You will be happy you did and so will the people you love!

Have a beautiful week!
Jami 

Originally published on jamibertini.com

"I'm SO Busy..." Or Are You?
personal development, plan, goals, fix my life, self confidence, self worth

I can’t tell you how many times I catch myself and the people I know saying, “I’m so busy.” That’s not to say that people don’t have a lot going on, because they do! Many people have careers and friends and spouses and children, and that can be a recipe for a very busy life, which can feel so overwhelming sometimes. But, we are actually making it even busier and more overwhelming by always thinking and talking about how busy we are.
 
What if you just stopped telling people you’re busy? What if you just erased it from your vocabulary? What would happen? Would you lose a piece of your identity? Maybe it would feel like you’re cheating yourself out of a certain status that comes along with being “busy?” But, what about happiness? What about balance? Wouldn’t it be worth trading in the constant “I’m busy, I’m busy” for “I’m getting everything done and feeling stable and balanced?”
 
Something I’ve realized is that I get a lot more done when I’m not constantly running through a mental laundry list of everything I have to do and telling myself how busy I am. Instead, I write things down in various places, I try to maintain a schedule/planner for when I’m going to do them, and I find myself doing most everything without thinking about the actual amount I have to accomplish. Without the “I’m so busy; I don’t have time for anything” feeling, I actually end up being more productive.
 
There are tons of options to keep yourself on track: there are To-Do apps for your phone, Daily Planners, notebooks, or you can even maintain your task list on a hanging white board. The simple act of extracting things from your head and parking them somewhere, and taking a moment each day to plan what you’re going to tackle, can help to quiet that constant mental laundry list and leave you feeling less busy and less stressed. Who doesn’t want that?
 
Have a beautiful week!
John

Originally published on johnkalinowski.com

How to Stop Comparing
compare-643305_1920.png

Over the past several years I have been busy growing my business. Most of the time it’s a blast and I enjoy it; other times, it’s a lot to manage. When I feel overwhelmed I often find myself looking at my friends and wondering why they have it all together and I am such a mess. Many of us waste time comparing ourselves to others. We do it in school, work, sports, marriage and even parenting. Technology, social media, and having 24-hour access to other people make this problem worse. What may have started as a curious look to see how a friend or colleague is doing quickly turns into a “measure-up” game. This only leads us down the rabbit hole of low self-esteem, jealousy, and anger. How can we stop our need to compare ourselves to other people? 

1. Stay on your own journey

There are no two journeys that are the same because no two people are the same. We were raised differently, we have different values, and we are guided by different desires and goals. Travel your own journey and let others do the same.

2. You don’t know what you don’t know

You’re not comparing apples to apples even when you think you are. You simply don’t know the whole story. How long have they been working on this? How much do they practice? How committed are they to being successful? And so on…….

3. A picture is only a snapshot

A picture is taken in a split second; the snapshot shows one moment when they had it all together. What happened minutes, hours or even days before or after the picture is all part of the story that you don’t see.

4. It’s just information

Information telling you what you really want in life. Information about what old wounds need to be looked at and healed.
 
Ultimately comparing yourself to others robs you of the precious time and energy you need to go for what you want. Next time you feel the desire to compare yourself to someone else remember you are enough exactly as you are. The only thing stopping you from having what you want is YOU! 

Have a beautiful week!
Jami 

Originally published on jamibertini.com

Knowing Your Limits
personal development, plan, goals, fix my life, self confidence, self worth

I started this week exhausted. Last weekend I had four of my closest friends in town and of course I wanted to spend quality time with each of them. (This was in addition to other plans I had with other friends who actually live here.) But the reality is that quality time means a party, brunch, an afternoon in the park, dinner, a show, a yoga class, another brunch, another party, and many drinks throughout. It was a fantastic weekend, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t wear me out.
 
So, how do I fit it all in?! How do I have fun with friends, do the things I want to do, and still maintain my energy to be productive? Well, if I have a busy week ahead of me and I really want to stay on top of things then I have to be realistic about what I can do. That said, the first harsh reality is that drinking is not imperative. (Wait, what?!) Yes, you heard me, drinking is not imperative. Sometimes that means being super selective about when, where, and how much, or sometimes that means not imbibing at all.
 
Secondly it’s about knowing that regardless of who you are, you need to rest in order to function at an optimal level. It can feel unproductive to take a break when you have a million things to do, but so much evidence shows that regular breaks, a full night’s sleep, days off and vacations actually make you more productive overall. I’ve never seen anyone running on all cylinders in every area of their life without prioritizing downtime.
 
The truth is, we get to have it all! But, it requires setting boundaries. Sometimes that means saying, “No” to having that drink, saying, “No” to your friends or family, or even saying, “No” to your boss. And sometimes that means sitting down at the end of each day and planning out the next one to insure that you’re getting everything done while also prioritizing time for rest. If you want to be truly productive then you also need to be truly rested.
 
Have a beautiful week!
John

Originally published on johnkalinowski.com 

Get With The Program
motivation-1634875_1920.jpg

Lately I’ve been wondering what makes some goals stick while others fall flat. Surprisingly I found my answer while on vacation. I stayed at a resort where I had worked over 20 years ago. I had a glimpse back at a wildly successful time in my career when I also met my husband and bought my first home. How did I achieve all of that?! “Back in the day” What did it take for me to have an all-systems-go attitude? What would it take now? It starts by creating an all-systems-go program, and being willing to work that program every day.

1.  Get Crystal Clear:
Decide what you want and why you want it. What do you want to be known for? Visualize it happening: What does it look like? What does it feel like? Devise a clear path forward.

2.  Daily Dose:
Carve out 30 minutes a day to learn more about your field and what you’re trying to achieve: read books and articles, listen to TED Talks and podcasts, watch videos and documentaries. Feed yourself a Daily Dose.

3.  Practice, Practice, Practice:
Roll up your sleeves and get to work. Try things out. Establish what works and what doesn’t. Learn from your mistakes, tweak your approach, and then practice some more.

4.  Connect:
Build a network of people who can help you move forward. Share ideas and learn from one another. Talk to people who have done it before. Be curious and ask questions. Engage and thrive in your connections.
 
During my early days at the Marriott I was crystal clear I wanted to be remembered as one of the top managers. I subscribed to Hotel magazine, enrolled in leadership classes, studied all the standard operating procedures and joined a local hospitality-networking group. I even managed the banquet department at our sister property when the department head was out sick. It wasn’t easy and I made a ton of mistakes. I broke dishes, I served the wrong food, I even used the wrong tablecloths for a wedding and had to reset the entire room.
 
There are many successful programs already available to help you work on your vision. In school it’s called a curriculum, in the corporate world it’s called a business plan, when kicking an addiction, it’s the twelve steps. Do you want your vision to come true? Then design your program and get going!
 
Have a beautiful week!
Jami 

Originally published on jamibertini.com

The Truth Can Hurt
personal development, plan, goals, fix my life, self confidence, self worth

Most of my life I’ve been known for being too blunt. When I was younger, it was a way for me to shock people for attention and to take out some of my adolescent aggression. As I got a little older, it wasn’t quite as cute for me to act that way, so I had to learn to take it down a notch and become more aware of how people might receive my “honesty.” In other words I had to develop more compassion. But, ironically enough, as I’ve settled into adulthood, it’s become clear that compassion is not all about being sweet and accepting. Real compassion can actually require using some of the bluntness I’ve been working to tame.
 
Brené Brown says it best: “compassion cannot exist without boundaries and accountability.” So, even though it’s important to have compassion for someone else’s situation, it’s also important to set boundaries and accountability for the behavior we’re willing to accept from the people around us. In other words, real compassion can actually require having tough conversations from time to time. But, that’s part of loving somebody, to step up and lovingly share what you’re seeing when they might not be able to see a situation clearly for themselves.
 
Where I’ve been tripped up, and still am sometimes, is in thinking that I’m sharing something from a place of “honesty” when it might actually be tinged with judgment or nagging. One thing I’ve learned is that I should often ask permission before I launch into a tough conversation, and that the more I try to understand the other person’s position rather than blaming them for being in that position, the more likely it is that the conversation will have the desired impact. That said, if you avoid the tough conversations altogether, then you may actually be enabling bad behavior in the people around you, and maybe even enabling your own bad behavior as well. So, be blunt sometimes. Or, as Iyanla Vanzant says, “go out there and tell somebody the truth!”
 
Have a beautiful week!
John

Originally published on johnkalinowski.com 
 

Party's Over Folks
glasses-3002608_1920.jpg

The end of summer is always an adjustment for me. After operating on a looser schedule and having fun with family and friends, my house gets quieter, work gets busier and its time to buckle down. I take a real honest look at where I am with my goals and ultimately my habits. What would I like to achieve by the end of the year? What would I be most excited about doing and where should I focus my energy?
 
First up is getting into better shape. While thinking about my fitness goals I couldn’t help but look at my daily eating and exercise habits. Over the summer my habit was to skip my workout for any “better” offer that came along. Time to get real. Dodging the gym certainly isn’t going to move me closer to a fitter trimmer healthier me. The better choice is to schedule my workouts for the week and stick to it.
 
Declaring a goal is only the first step in achieving what we want. It’s not enough to say we want to do something. We actually need a plan on how were going to do it. We need to shift our habits so we are in integrity with our goal or vision, kind of like having an all-systems-go attitude. By implementing these two simple daily habits, you can organize and prioritize your day including the time for the gym.
 
Two Easy Mindful Habits:

  1. Plan your day the night before. This simple 10-minute habit will give you direction, help keep you on track, and clear your mind so can sleep peacefully.
  2. Have a standing morning routine. Before the busy day gets underway take some time to meditate, read a positive blog or quote, and eat a healthy breakfast. This practice will bring balance and clarity into your day.   

A few weeks into my schedule I am finding that by mindfully focusing on my habits and not thinking as much about my goals I am peaceful, happy, wildly productive and getting closer and closer to achieving the things I want.

Have a beautiful week!
Jami 

Originally published on jamibertini.com

Life Is Hard Sometimes
personal development, plan, goals, fix my life, self confidence, self worth

Every day I assure clients that if they keep putting in the work then their lives will get better. And frankly, that’s almost always the case. That’s what’s so beautiful about my job. But, I’m not a fortune-teller and life has a tendency to throw us the occasional curve ball. Whack! And suddenly you’re wondering what happened to all that work you put in. Are you being punished? Actually, this is where the real work is by figuring out what there is to be gained from a less-than-ideal situation.
 
With every one of those curve balls we can make a choice to either be victimized or empowered. For me it’s often a combination of the two. I typically have a little moment where I let myself throw a fit and then I start looking for the opportunity. What’s the opportunity here? For example, I moved out of my office on July 31 because I was supposed to move into a brand new office on August 1. But there have been construction delays and I’ve had to come up with creative ways to meet with clients in the meantime. Yes, I’ve had a few moments of disappointment as the open-date continues to get pushed back, but I’ve also had to look at the opportunities.
 
First of all, I’ve been able to save a little money on office rent this past month. I’ve also been spending more time outside during the day because I’ve been meeting some clients in Madison Square Park. And now the new office management company has set me up temporarily at their Lower East Side location where I have a nice office and an opportunity to meet some new people. Granted this little life dilemma is small potatoes compared to what some people are dealing with, but finding the opportunity can be applied to every life experience. The fact is, life is hard sometimes, but we have a choice in how we’re going to perceive it. Are we going to let it tear us down or let it build us up?
 
Have a beautiful week!
John

Originally published on johnkalinowski.com 

Whose Birthday Is It Anyway?
2014-08-28_Who's Birthday is it anyway?.jpg

Have you ever had an expectation that your birthday was going to be amazing, only it wasn’t? I’ve had several birthdays that didn’t quite turn out the way I wanted them to. Either I didn’t make the time to celebrate or I had an expectation that wasn’t met. One year when friends surprised me, I was so overwhelmed with being the center of attention I actually started crying. This year I decided to take charge of my day and plan out exactly what I wanted to do. As an added twist I also happen to share my birthday with my 16-year-old daughter.
 
I have planned many events and I have come to learn that the best plans begin with a good set up. A good set-up can be achieved by answering just three simple questions:

1. What’s the story I want to tell?

How would I like to remember my birthday? I start at the end first. I think about how I want to feel the next day. When I wake up, I want to know that I had an amazing night, and I would love to experience it all over again.

2. What do we like doing?

What makes us feel happy? We love walking around exploring new places, trying different foods, and listening to cool music.

3. Who’s invited?

Who would have the most fun with us? Who do we have fun laughing and celebrating with? My best friend and her daughter quickly came to mind.

By spending a little time with this simple set up, we created the best birthday either of us has had in a long time. It all began in the height of music, fun, and positive energy at the Eminem & Rihanna concert. Then we settled in the quaint but cozy beach town of Newport, RI. We walked the streets, toured beautiful mansions, and woke up the next morning wishing we could go back to sleep and experience it all over again. Taking time for the set up may seem awkward at first. When in reality, thinking through what we really want actually means we’re much more likely to get it.
 
Have a beautiful week!
Jami 

Originally published on jamibertini.com

It's Ok to Be Slacker
personal development, plan, goals, fix my life, self confidence, self worth

I have just not been feeling motivated to work out lately. Yes, it’s summer, and maybe I’m feeling lazy, but I’ve hit yet another breaking point with that place called “the gym.” And along with it comes the awkward feelings of “how can I be a life coach and not be fit and healthy and happy at all times?” Well, the reality is that whether it’s exercise, work, love, life… all of them operate on an ebb and flow, meaning they have periods of intense productivity and periods where things slow down. The crucial part about slowing down is that we don’t beat ourselves up for it, but rather use it as an opportunity to reflect on the bigger picture and maybe find a new approach that works even better than the old one.
 
One part of the bigger picture for me is that the gym feels like the epitome of what it means to “go through the motions,” and I am working diligently to insure that no part of my life is about going through the motions. So I canceled my gym membership. Another part of the bigger picture is that I want to be healthy without feeling like my body needs to fit into any particular mold. So, I’m starting to try some other avenues such as running outside, which has been beautiful in this amazing summer weather. I’ve also taken classes at a couple new yoga studios because I’d like to see what yoga could do for me if I give it a chance.
 
Though it’s crucial to be disciplined with exercise, it’s also crucial to trust in life’s ebb and flow. Just as we have to take advantage of when things are fast-paced and productive, we also have to take advantage of the downtime. If we’re constantly resisting or resenting the slower, more uncertain periods then we’re actually closing ourselves off to opportunities that will either lead us back into flow, or even allow us to take care of another area of our lives that maybe we’ve been neglecting. Trust… there is always an opportunity.
 
Have a beautiful week!
John

Originally published on johnkalinowski.com 

When All Is Lost
road-2601233_1920.jpg

Sometimes there are challenges or problems that boggle our mind and we just can’t make sense of why they are happening. This week my family is in the midst of one of these unimaginable challenges. One of our dogs has gone missing. Although we are hopeful that Benji will find his way home, we are wrestling with many unanswered questions.
 
During these difficult days we are feeling hurt, confused, scared, sad, and angry. It’s ok to feel these feelings. My family has been worrying about Benji and imagining the worst. The truth is, our worries and our fears won’t bring Benji home. We need to let go of finding the answer, trying to figure it out, or even understanding the situation. We have to trust that the clarity, and learning will come when the time is right.
 
About six years ago, Benji came into our lives. We already had one dog at home when we met Benji. His previous owners were moving back to Ireland and couldn’t take him with them. In a way, Benji came to us and chose us as his family. He came into our home and wanted us all to be together. Adopting him was never about getting a second dog; it was about welcoming another soul into our family.
 
There is a lot to be learned from that little guy. He was a very happy dog; nothing ever seemed to faze him. He knew exactly how to let go of any negativity that came his way. Whenever our other dog tried to rile him up and start a fight, he would simply smile, and trot away.
 
It broke our hearts when Benji left us. But maybe just as simply as Benji arrived at our home in Singapore, he knew it was time to move on... He was complete; his spirit came and received what it needed from us. For now, as we grieve the loss of our dog, the most important thing is to embrace life as he did. He was a happy explorer, our own little happy warrior. 
 
 
Have a beautiful week!
Jami 

Originally published on jamibertini.com